again

Waking up to ritual of careful careful plan
Done right down well
No choice.
Lives are in my clean hands, my locked door
Lives depend on me
Soap
Water
Soap
Water
Soap
Water
Soap
Water
Soap
Water
Soap
Water
Again
Again
Again
A spot of dirt? (chest tight)
A spot of dirt? (can’t breath)
A SPOT OF DIRT
Breath in bursts of teary panic
A new fresh shinning bar running under thunder tap
Soap
Water
Soap
Water
Soap
Water
Soap
Water
Soap
Water
Soap
Water
Again
Again
Again

Hands red raw with
Skinned meat fingers
The air is stinging but
Shelter of gloves buries damage
Secret safe within them

Key from pocket gleaming
Carefully
in lock turn lock door locked
Step away
Turn back
Check lock
Door locked
Step away
Turn back
Check lock
Door locked
Step away
Turn back
Check lock
Door locked
Step away
Turn back
Check lock
Door locked
Step away
Turn back
Check lock
Door locked

Again
Again
Again

Key falls on ground
A SPOT OF DIRT
Unlock door and carefully inside to hide from teary panic

And so it goes...

again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again

My clean hands my locked door my life

online diagnosis (more research)

You have to pay or sign up or something, but if your desperate to see if you have mental issues head to mytherapy.

If your wondering if you have obsessive compulsive disorders or you're just a normal worrier look over the checklist on this site.

This site has a lot of true stories about people who suffer from OCD, instead of just listing like a diagnosis like most of the others.

Research

I looked up obsessive compulsive disorder and read about it here, here and here.

Each of these sites explain the obsessive and compulsive components that combine to make obsessive compulsive disorder. I found the rituals of washing, hoarding and repeting interesting from a poetic perspective. The first link explains these quite well. The quotations on the National Institute for Mental Health website (here) provided a scary look into the lives of people with OCD.

I have plenty to write about.

only ONE is the winner

1. OCD
(which stands for obsessive compulsive disorder)

Three is the magic number

1. OCD
2. Salamander
3. Obsidian

Ten is a nice number because it fits well on my fingers

1. Salamanders
2. Black widows
3. OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)
4. Guinea pigs
5. Bugs
6. Altitude
7. Ants
8. Thumbs
9. Herpetology/ herping
10. Obsidian

Play with colour from rizome art.
I tried to copy the commands, but I can't attempt to mimic the result.

10% more blue (azure aster)
20% more yellow (yellow lily)
30% more green (green grass)
40% more brown (brown bog)
50% more orange (orange orange)
60% more pink (pink peacock)
70% more purple (purple pansy)
80% more red (red rose)
this square is completely white
this square is completely blue (blue jay, blue moon) blue
you may now quit.